Hug

I just need a true hug...
Is it that difficult...
I thought it is simple...
But you made it so difficult...
Much more difficult than climbing the highest and most treacherous peak...
Much more difficult than crossing  the quicksand area...

I need you to open your heart as how I had opened mine...
Yet, somehow you realised that you can't and never could accept me...
as a whole... a person with plasters, scars, and cracks...
 with ugly stitches and bruises...
I am different yet similar to you...
you have scars and bruise too... and yet I do embraced them as how I had accepted you as a whole...

I was patiently waiting for your presence...
amidst the hustle and bustle...
yet you grew further, swept by the crowd...
lost in the 'workload'...
I accompanied you in the crowd...
but I only have blurred glimpses of you...
and it was the only time i could see you... in the crowd...
it was never about both of us...
it was always us, them, they, others, everyone in the group...
and none of only us...

then you left...
saying you don't have time for us...
only us...
but you always have time for everyone...

the moments had became a performance...
merry cocktail parties...
with warm people...
with warm conversations...
and mine a teary heart...
then it became a really marvelous thing that you were able to spend even just a minute with me...
the laughable 'wonderful moment' that even friends are capable of offering much more than that...
 it was unbearable, and it is unbearable now...
 that is why i write...
i do not care the tom, dick and harry who visit my post...
but i do know that you would never care to read this... as you are never curious of its presence...
I became weak as you drain the smiles from me...

Now I am even more broken, though I am patching myself up...
I know life has to go on... Just that i do not understand why...
why your sincerity was gone in a flash...
I know not of this side that you covered...not covered but portrayed at such times...
your childish and lamest excuses...
all these... while I thought a matured figure you are...
but...
it is also my misjudgements that you were my forever...
I just realised now that whenever I was with you, I was actually just alone...
alone in the moments that i thought was for two...
What am I all this while to you?
An ornament of pride?

Why did I not see the signs....
Bravo to me... I hit rock bottom in this area...
But I know time will heal me...
time... time is always comforting...
it dries the cracks and holes that are wet... never fails to do so...
i thought you were much better than this...
I have too much confidence in you...
that is why i hit the rocks so hard... the cuts are deeper than ever...
so deep that you could see the bones...
the cracks in the bones as well...
yet i will live better now though it is still unbearable...
however the unbearable goes only as bad as writing it out... not worst...
it is the venting of you out of my life...
the anger and disappointment that you are just a man... walking by...
with the shadow of a toddler crawling on the ground... passed me...