Agree~~

请远离不舍得为你花钱的男人，一个男人不舍得为你花钱，别指望他以后赚钱会给你，这类人都是极度自私的，小气的男人同小心眼的男人同样可怕，跟这样的人在一起，没有你好日子过。

All kena~ lolz~


and he admitted that he is red....

 and so it is a good ending~

True but...

the feelings I had was genuine..
even though the stabs of wound are there... love is there...
but love will be there reserved in the deepest place...
no actions, no words... nothing could touch it...
the purest of mine will be hidden..
cause I knew I had loved with all my might...
and that I have no regrets...
and that one day the person who would regret is definitely not me,who indeed do cherish the togetherness...
and that some day someone will regret the immature way of ending things...
and that is the weakness that someone will carry throughout the whole life...
as it is in the blood... the immature ability to handle things...
and the illusion that relationships are a bed of roses and there shouldn't be any thorns at all...
and that would be the life he choose... a practical one where 'use' and 'to be used' are the only principles that guide his survival...
And I, with such experience, know that despite my heart felt emotions, 'use' and 'to be used' isn't in my context...

and that 'to love' and 'to be loved', to tolerate, to sacrifice, to willingly give  sincere devotion, to guide each other,to enlighten, to brave the ugly torments together, and yet still be able to stay in love, to receive both happiness, anger, sadness with acceptance that those are part and parcel of life are the principles I hold... that is the understanding and preparation that should have been considered before taking someone seriously as a life partner... 

or are the insights of the opposite in this human world are always in terms of 'to use' and 'to be used' context?

偶然发现《纸月亮》-Wau Bulan

Google宇中新专辑里的歌，纸月亮。。。不小心让我发现到，它竟然也是一部本地电影里的插曲。。。觉得影名很特别（得了奖）。。。所以就去读它的synopsis， 也读了一些介绍影片里一些细节的分享。。。 有点被这些采于其中的对话打动。。。有点感触。。。

“我现在背对着你，你还记得我的样子吗？”
　　“记得”
　　“一年之后？”
　　“记得”
　　“十年之后？”
　　“记得”
　　“那一辈子呢”
　　“一辈子也忘不了”

说来容易做来难，纸月亮，经不起风浪~

one more challenge...

Toughen up...
things are meant to be...
the downs first before the ups...
the sentiments...
all are but in a flicker...
no roses...
no violets...
no sunflowers...
just a heart...
which must be as pure as the lily petals...

Hug

I just need a true hug...
Is it that difficult...
I thought it is simple...
But you made it so difficult...
Much more difficult than climbing the highest and most treacherous peak...
Much more difficult than crossing  the quicksand area...

I need you to open your heart as how I had opened mine...
Yet, somehow you realised that you can't and never could accept me...
as a whole... a person with plasters, scars, and cracks...
 with ugly stitches and bruises...
I am different yet similar to you...
you have scars and bruise too... and yet I do embraced them as how I had accepted you as a whole...

I was patiently waiting for your presence...
amidst the hustle and bustle...
yet you grew further, swept by the crowd...
lost in the 'workload'...
I accompanied you in the crowd...
but I only have blurred glimpses of you...
and it was the only time i could see you... in the crowd...
it was never about both of us...
it was always us, them, they, others, everyone in the group...
and none of only us...

then you left...
saying you don't have time for us...
only us...
but you always have time for everyone...

the moments had became a performance...
merry cocktail parties...
with warm people...
with warm conversations...
and mine a teary heart...
then it became a really marvelous thing that you were able to spend even just a minute with me...
the laughable 'wonderful moment' that even friends are capable of offering much more than that...
 it was unbearable, and it is unbearable now...
 that is why i write...
i do not care the tom, dick and harry who visit my post...
but i do know that you would never care to read this... as you are never curious of its presence...
I became weak as you drain the smiles from me...

Now I am even more broken, though I am patching myself up...
I know life has to go on... Just that i do not understand why...
why your sincerity was gone in a flash...
I know not of this side that you covered...not covered but portrayed at such times...
your childish and lamest excuses...
all these... while I thought a matured figure you are...
but...
it is also my misjudgements that you were my forever...
I just realised now that whenever I was with you, I was actually just alone...
alone in the moments that i thought was for two...
What am I all this while to you?
An ornament of pride?

Why did I not see the signs....
Bravo to me... I hit rock bottom in this area...
But I know time will heal me...
time... time is always comforting...
it dries the cracks and holes that are wet... never fails to do so...
i thought you were much better than this...
I have too much confidence in you...
that is why i hit the rocks so hard... the cuts are deeper than ever...
so deep that you could see the bones...
the cracks in the bones as well...
yet i will live better now though it is still unbearable...
however the unbearable goes only as bad as writing it out... not worst...
it is the venting of you out of my life...
the anger and disappointment that you are just a man... walking by...
with the shadow of a toddler crawling on the ground... passed me... 

Howdy life?

to run into another wave just as the race to the shore ended...
why others could calm and sway with tides...
and that I could never close my eyes for even a moment...

people who slogged, people who do not...
the latter succeed at the right moment...
as smart is what they aim for...
the best at show...
that reveals not those that are beyond skin deep...

why is that life is so,
that holding on is just another tiring grip...
that loosens as you loosens...
and that would never be grateful for your persistent past...
and which it snap at the very first fly that landed...
that flown through the evening mist unaware of the jaws of ticking time..
and there it went within seconds...
all is well for time...

so the grip as though it never exist...
there it was holding on to the newest blossom...
and there you are falling as light as a petal blwon by wind in slow motion...
drifting to the ground...
where sunshine moves further and further out of sight...
the dark ground is where the vision lies...
waiting for the next revenge in years to come..
when the first shoot releases its veryfirst leaves...

fading...

eyes blurred as both start to see...
air is transparent..
it allows us to see reality as it is...
transparency - the thing which keeps us alive...
once a upon a time only trees which drives this transparant spirit kept us alive...
now people creates solids which create illusion..
art - something to capture permanence out of the impermanence but yet it also creates illusion...
indulgence in the illusion of permanence...
fading..things
fading with time...
stones erode...