Re- defining, re - reflecting...

I have realized that as time passes, I drifted afar... It is always so... There was the emptiness that I could not explain creeping up as frequently as possible... There was the time where I couldn't find myself, as I got lost deeper and deeper..unknowingly... There is no joy in joy itself... No anger so full of frustrations before.... Then, it struck me, I have grown apart from what I used to belief... from what I hold so dearly... I regretted my actions... I will not partake a single drop of delusion again though it is just a minor succumbing to temptations... Though it was without any consequences, though it was during the holidays months ago, though at the surface it was a harmless thought, a harmless action, though there are no apparent ill fate, I realised the ignorance that i should have not given in.. though it is mere wine tasting, I will seek to repent my misguided actions... I yearn the blissful peace I have... The forgotten chants... The prayers that I did every night are blurring into routines... They are without the mindfulness I once practice... I will, re-define myself again... To be mindful, to follow the Dharma once more... to re- define myself, to reflect my actions... I found a profound joy today as the discovery of a Buddhist circle tucked away in the midst of the hassle of desires and delusions... I will walk my way through... to my righteous path again... This time more mindful of my straying states...