A Great Day...

Snugged under my blanket...
I woke up quite late today...lazing in my bed with no urge to get up...
the corridor was silent except an occasional clatter of plates and the closing of room doors coming from the kitchen nearby and my floor mates whom i assumed had finished their exams...
It was still cold today but not as cold as the previous few days...
the whole floor is a sleepy hollow...
sometimes i feel like isolating myself...
it's great to be with myself...
doing all the things that I have wanted to do...
thinking back and reflecting what i have done...
There is a great deals of things that i have wanted to do in my life, some must be with friends...
sharing the joy and fun of togetherness...
some must be done alone...
the advantage to reflect on my own self...
I've always reflected on myself nowadays...
It's a routine now...
as times pass by, it helps growth...
I like the life here...
it helps personal growth and independence...
Seems that now the time has come for me to grow up...

Smack in the face reality...

You shouldn't have chatted with me...
I miss you badly now...
i hate that feeling, because it may mean that,
I'll hurt myself again...
I'm always am doing this...
that's how I am...
falling over minor stuff that aren't even certain...
Maybe that's illusion... I'm just coaxing myself...
maybe you're not waiting for me...
come to think about it...maybe you did it for her...
not because you are curious, just because you are reminded to...

I'm wondering whether humans can be free of such feelings...
If we can be liberationalized from these i prefer to have none of this...
It's horrible...
Life would be so much easier and simpler....
I'll never really get what i really wanted...
that's me...
it's always beyond reach,
and i scarred my self to get it...
ending up bleeding profusely...
licking my own sores...
picking myself up, delusioning myself again and again...
I'm screaming here, but you will never be here...
cause you never know there is a here...

Lovely Dawn....

Actually, it wasn't lovely untill your message popped out saying "Hi"
It was a freezing night... nothing much to do except flipping through webpages...
and you came...
It was nice...
i couldn't really tell how excited i got when u're making an effort to contact me...
I thought that it's fading away silently...
that feeling...
and i will, cross oceans once again...
to find a stranger's smile...
we'll never be as close again...
 but that night, on that particular night a few days ago...
you reminded me of how i felt about you...
maybe it is just a friendly gesture,
but it ignites the amber that is turning cold...
i hope it would continue sparkling, as i no longer have the drive to keep things up for long,
as i feel that nothing is permanent except to move along...

winter would be long this time... will you be that long too?
it's a draggy one out there...
my soul can no longer bear the weight of waiting so silently....so ever silently... as the old cracks are so hauntingly crumbling, not because of old cracks, but the presence of new roots taking over... and i hope these new roots wouldn't break it further...

Winter...

Winter is here... It's chilly yet assuring... that the best moments will come with the feathers that had freezed in the lake... Like a mirror of reflection, the feather a frozen ripple... My steps taken forward by the swirls of ice cold kisses from the wind... What i've felt during this winter...it is great to look forward to what that has been prepared in the front, in the next upcoming season... My heart waits unsurely for something that could give it joy.... A soothing pat of peace and calmness... 

 It doesn't really feel like winter here as there is no snow...no white coated roads... no frozen tufts on the ground... it's just the wind that blows of winter reminding us of its arrival... the leaves shaken and fallen... Bare trunks and twigs seen... that's all that tells us the story of the winter... other than that, it feels good to walk in the park on a day during winter....

Twisted minds...

Just because i brushed my teeth at 4am doesn't mean that i'm wasted or anything... Hey, I've my values and principles which makes me different from your culture... If someone brushes their teeth at 4am in the morning there will be two different interpretations.
The one in Malaysia would be: 'must have been up to burn the midnight oil for her assignments, that's why la, last minute work...'
The one in Huia would be: 'She must be out hooking up with someone, went to some party and come back puffy eyed, but hmmm, i wonder why she isn't drunk...can't really judge a person by her innocent face...'
Every abnormal habit would be given a twisted interpretation... What great minds they have....
Every single thing we do must be related to the topic that i would not mention here... Can't they believe what they have just saw is that simple without any ambiguities?
Well, life is full of ambiguities, but this is just a little way too overboard....

Searching around...

A red leaf with autumn's last raindrop...
It's hard to find...
Amongst the growing pile of yellowish ones,
I came across on my way to the library...

the scent of the breeze, carries a frosty perfume...
it's getting chilly now...
I heard someone shouted:
"It's the dawn of winter!"

The Window...

The window shuts so ever tightly...
Because it's autumn, and the wind's chilly...

The trees wave so carefreely at the wind so violently...

A contradictory...

I see watching the sky rolling on in waves of clouds, rumbling on...
like a clam from beneath the ocean,

watching the torrents,

going in swirls of mist and frost...

a beautiful evening...

turning from tangerine grey to purple spray...

from my hard shelly shelter,

i gaze whole day...