An enlightenment...

hear Reverend Chattamalo's talk few days ago while doing dana...it has been a long time since i saw him... It was as rejuvenating as the ones i heard last time... If mum didn't bring me down for dana i wouldn't have known that he had returned... It was because of the opening ceremony of Gandharama near the church in town. Gandharama means garden of fragrance in Pali (Sanskrit) language... thanks to the auntie who had put in effort to build the place which functions like a shrine...ermm, not quite like a shrine, but a shelter for monks, reverends and Ajaans who come for a visit and to give spiritual guidance for us... i missed the preaching by the respectable Ajaan Brahm who flew all the way from Australia... Mum said his preaching is full of humor... I was still studying that time...No holidays... Maybe my merits are still low to have the 'yuan' to meet Ajaans... i feel that i've accumulating very less good deeds... all that i've done are so insignificant... And the deepest burden i have in my heart, the hardest to let go... it is so hard for me to better that part of me... i've tried but to no avail... i'll keep on trying till nature swallows me whole... Reverend Chattamalo actually remembered me...I'm so pleased after four years perhaps, he could still remember me... I was a mere child that time... i've always feel touched by his words, just that the tears are held back... well, curious eyes might be on me... I'm still having much of the self- consciousness in me i guess... I realised that i'm not perfect, i have flaws much more flaws than what others perceive of me... i'm still trying hard, my karma, i need to overcome those bad ones... I feel remorseful as well as hopeful... life is so short, yet we can't make the best out of it yet...not just yet... nature has it's own course but not fated as it can either be for the better or for the worse...that's what i learned but yet to be practiced...