Why???

It is easy for the wings to flutter,
the cherries to ripen,
the sea to calm,
the breeze to cool,
the ducks to waddle,
but  why, not the oars to row?

It is easy for birds to sing,
the caterpillars to metamorphorsize,
the bees to hum,
the lions to roar,
but why, not the fish to leap?

It is easy for people to dream,
for people to connect,
for people to get comfort,
for people to be loved,
but not me...?

Why is it after so many years,
the scenario remains the same,
i've tried hard to change,
i've sheared tears in silent,
i've done everything to avoid,
but it is still unavoidable...

Why???
why is it so hard to protect, to cover,
to keep the outrage from tearing the warmth, the comfort  which i had once upon a time...
it is so hard, so hard for me to express...
as I must swallow it,
although it is like a cancer,
malignant cells spreading...
but,
i must still swallow it,
swallow it whole,
a rotten time bomb in my body,
a reassuring smile on my face...
or is it a deceiving one...?
I do not know...
because currently, I'm bursting, bursting to tell the untold...
yet, the untold will remain, ticking away my life till death comes...
tucked in my tinted porcelain form...
cracks that i've cemented, cemented it..smoothen, repainted...