tiny thought

 And I am still reluctant to budge...

Dream on...

Dreams about puffy feathery seeds... flying in the air... (know what they are?)
dreams about unscathing sunlight...  dashing only warmth and not scotch*
dreams about whiskers waving in the air from a cherie river, poking fun and tickling the air... looking through it the dark pearly eyes of crayfish... black as the rarest black pearls from the scarce osyters that float among hidden seaweeds and corally rocks...

dreams about thundering horse hoofs...sprinting through woods and into plains and into woods and into plains.... in search of the sweetest grass... flaming flavouring sweetness of the morning dew dashed with rainbow flavouring...

dreams are best when eyes are lulled, on a warm peaceful night...on silent waves with silvery stars... a sea in the galaxy, or perhaps a galaxy of seas...

Pretty Moments

There are always things that we hope to catch, but missed as we could not do both at the same time. Appearing at two different places at the same time. I had wished, a countless times where I could dive into sunlit fields, wondering among shadows of tree canopies, bathing in waterfalls, hiking at slow pace the mountain trails instead of keeping myself awake with deep dark circles under my eyes, thinking what was  best for my assignments.

I would love to sneak up at every creek, every creak, every crate, pampering myself with all the fascination of views, life and moments which had been missed with deep remorse. I am always tied with invisible knots that need to be undone at the right moment lest I am strangled and thrown down the canyons. Though that sounded appealing. What is better than experiencing the rush of adrenaline, a spectacular view of the whole canyon from top to bottom. It is to die for literally. Much more will go unnoticed once things grow. There are less time for petty stuff and more for the next stage. I will see the child once more if I worked hard enough. People do often say that those who work hard do not get much enjoyment in life. Yet, I feel that my enjoyment was much more meaningful. Deadlines and little to spare time makes me appreciate whatever enjoyment that I had planned for those precious few moments. I made the most of it. When we have too much time, we tend to not cherish it as much as if we have little. The best part is, such precious moments are fresher in the mind than what we are doing, say, during a very very long holiday. You do not remember much what you have been doing when time is plentiful, you just did something to kill time as there are no deadlines to meet, no expectations to look forward to before it comes to and end. That is why people on the death bed cherished their time so much, they have bucketlist which are guaranteed to be realised no matter what. The will to experience one last time moments that have been missed when there are plenty of time to kill is indeed important to those people who need to meet their dead lines...

The busier one is in life, the stronger the will is to enjoy whatever moments there are to and could be enjoyed.

 

The Monsoon days...

Juicy leaves picked, washed and dried...
Tossed with local dried fish paste in hot oil...
sizzling in the pan on a humid afternoon...
sounded familiar?
Nah... I am not talking about the poem...
I am talking about my life of contentment...
which left not but a few days...

Letting the sentiments cave in...
the blissful bluish light...
the warm breeze...
it is not a bone chilling cold here ever...
it is not as cold as the faces on the road...
not as hard as the pebbles beaten by the roaring waves...
there is just simplicity...
in the revelation of true nature...
just the contentment of being with it...
not wanting to leave...
the cocoon of comfort...
the smell of home...
full of  bee-filled grace, and butterfly dances...

The air balloon

softly sailing across the silver dust of city lights...
like a mother pearl, twinkling against nothingness...
the invicible cloak touches every single thing that passes its way... a tingling feeling...
an invicible current that defines the distance...
of the upside down sea...
the wonders of it... there are no drifting logs nor frilly seagrass...
it glides across the window panels...
motioning towards the edge of the semi - circle horizon...

tomorrow.... but a cycle...
a lone chain pulling it up again...
to guide the silver shine upon earthly skies...

人类

人难做，人生漫长，还是会坚持下去。。。
现在，人生美满了，野心大，连动物的性格都要模仿。。。太不像样了。。。 人有知慧，一班人虽然还脱不开繁殖必要的步骤，但分辨是黑是白，是对是错的能力总比动物发达得多。。。性是没什么大不了的事。。。人却把它当兴趣。。。私底下亲密就好了，还要宣传邪道，下一代思想一定有所改变，那人就慢慢退化成没脑子的动物，四肢发达，满脑是粪般的思想。。。真是受不了。。。做人已经很不简单了，是不是做人做得太累，连动物都不如的举动都要来玩一把。。。那干脆去动物园算了。。。让其他人观赏所谓的‘杰作’。。。

Sceptical...

Many things got me sceptical all of a sudden..Should just stop reading those sources... Though life is not an alien item in my sceptic list...
Thinking Thinking thinking...
thinking of all the worldly worries and wearies are just so timely...

geez, like petals rotting on the ground... who would capture that rather than fresh dainty ones in trees like silk ribbons on wood...
i prefer the marshes rather than the sirens in town...
the solitude reflection of what comes and goes...
when noises are too loud... they scream like mental trumpets implanted in the brain... for simplicity...

where thoughts can be simply basic... more is challenged...
to get to the solitude calmness...
as there is no play without work,
and no time when all is insufficient...
and yet the ironies in life is the changing which makes people want more of its changes that goes on and on and on...

Nahh, people don't Learn...

Nahh, people always talk about getting in others' shoes...
forget about it...
It'll never happen...

first, it's not the right size... second, it is not their type...
So even when they do try on other people's shoes for real are just, well harsh to say... wearers of the same fitness... or empathy for a fashion walk... nothing real, really...
You know, like crows who flock together in the gutter, and seagulls in the Gulf...
As much as one talks... they do get the benefits of being picked up fast... the enlightening talk today was about people being humans who are divided into two types, the ones who are good at making themselves look good while the others who are really and genuinely good at what they do, are interestingly shadows behind those make-believe glams who blow their own trumpets... *hoot, hoot!!!*

as what we say the classic violin and fiddle theory... a penny to the street performer, a cheque for the violinist...

Well, not that I want to say... but boy, it must have chipped some pride out of agressively outspoken people... Or were they too dumb to realise it... silent laughters...

Just...

Just because of solemn prestige,
despair was deemed impossible,
just because of tears,
depression is assumed....

Just because of the awesomeness,
people forget reality,
thus high and mighty...

Just because of glam,
soil ceased to be a gem...

Just because of 'routine, as a matter a fact'
people do not assume the opposites...
As these are brutally unacceptable...

Hollow...

the bleak sky with the only shining plate hanging lone...
below the city lights blink...
it's a night filled with cold fireflies...
a creak of stone will send these lights away...
where are the other celestial stars...
hanging without a fear of treats...
as no meteor could harm...
their blazing hot...

the wind is dead tonight...
everything is...
the vast space and empty skyboard running above our heads...
a sense of emptiness lingers...

Independent

The importance of being independent living under unconcerned local authority...
Resulting in the evidence and 'fruit of labour' through self - reliance...
The irony of such cases...
I find much of a laughable notion...

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/9/19/nation/12049165&sec=nation

fundamentally...

What makes a chair?
the four legs...
Even from the start we have support...
the ground to hold us upright...
the soil which holds the roots that wriggle through its skin...

Yet we love the sky, the agility of being uprooted...
hanging in mid-air...
So, what if one day there is no gravity...
do we still like being up-floated for the rest of our lives?
The feeling is great, but how long do you think we would derive joy from it?
Joy for such a long time turns to the yearning of being back in place...
being back in the soil...
being on ground where the walking distance measure...
back to origin...
the familiar...

safety...
home...

Spring is here...

Spring is here...
so is the new life all together...
the dormant brain... kicked off all the frozen bits from my nervous system... the feeling of wanting to pen down something has returned, though not a very good timing especially now that there are barely time for me to complete my assignment...
I am short of papers too, mind the countless printing that had been done to suit my preference of printed words rather than reads in the electronic version...

Now that life is here,
but life with timeless days of facing the laptop weight upon me too...
well, good for flowers in domains and parks, yet makes slight difference on my life...
Longing for a stroll minus the howling wind that reminds me of winter during its unintentional slaps...

Truth...

Missing but not missing sometimes...
it was even hatred...
turmoils of emotions...
like the flushes of waves...
wooping up not just the instability...
where clarity turns murky...
and sedimentation applies...
layers and layers of saw dust in the dark...
clearly unclear...
purity alternates impurities...
what is there to hate...
when hatred is a mere storm...
sweeping pass an autumn sea red with blooming phytoplanktons...
of which you get a calm sea after that...
lulling ships to sleep on a starry night...

Suppression

It is like a bone caught between your esophagus...
an apple too big for your throat...
a glass sheet across your collar bone...
a stone in your pancreas...
a pain of unvomittable feelings...

that is my darkest secret...

I will keep it till the day of my death
I swear...

Trust

trust the birds to chirp in the spring...
The flowers to throw their scents sky high...
the sea waving luminous algae...
on a bright moon night...

the crooked chimney...
the puffs of smoke...
send cherie mints of what's in the pot brewing...
nope,
this is not a story about witches and wizards...
it is a simple non flashy scene of an old woman...
with holes in her shoes..
brewing thin soup with chewy turnip ends...
and rubbery fish fries...
a cat with soft brown padded paws making circles around the pouch waiting for its meagre share...

trust the fairy tales to weave fantasies...
trust the magic to spun escapes for normality...
filling life with awe and mystical wharves...
a way of trusting a lively life...
of the excitement it offers...

blue drops from the morning glory

When the cloudless morning sky lightens...
there was no sun...
it was still far down the horizon...
the evening moon was still visible...

whether there is glory or not...
petals unfold...
softly and delicately....
silently sending bluish mirage along the crumbling grey ramble...

The rainbow hang silently in the sky when i looked out for the dust coated panels from the rambling bus...
Gone as the wind washed away the misty swirls...
leaving a blue blue sky...
the morning glory drips dew from its petals...
a notable shade of blue...
a silent cry of fading...

Olympics Odds...

In light of the Olympics this year... Many are battling off battles within battles... Winning back not just a medal but a prove to seal off crappy notions...

  http://womensenews.org/story/athleticssports/001017/women-athletes-often-debased-media-images

The media needs some serious washing from Professional Detergents...

 http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=10823772

Diving

What is there to moan and tear,
when the only plunge is the ultimate...

Thereby before the plunge, the awesomeness prevails,
like silvery twigs on the waves of serenity,
and down below life was teeming...

Soars of watery glow... a blurry vision sometimes, a glassy wall the other...
a promised peace...
a quieten pace...

Yet the plunge made,
was beyond expected,
there are of course those seen becoming realistically real...
but thorns wrap around..
the unseen ankles...
are they crown of thorns...
some what which pickles with every movement...

Down towards the seabed, the glorified world stands...
the weight pounding on was heavier than even within each sink...
the picture was clear now...
but my eyes refused to acknowledge...
It was as clear as the fields on a sunny day...
giving of veils and glimmer of tenderness...
I could see, yet I could not...

It was seeing at reality without really seeing it...
there is the sensation of still floating,
the thorns hold...
the medium holds...

Thus,
the only moon -lit dive,
was once and never more... 

The carefree days....

It will soon come to an end...
The breeze of the carefree days,
a full-on break at every solid object...

The sparrows chirp merrily,
to the shifts of gold and silver each day...
the last of the leaves dropped...
branches droop, tapping the shiny ice at bay...

As chill sweeps inland,
the kites which fly sit in heated cosy cupboards...
the bustle spell drew on new crowds...
steps multiply voices...
shadows meet at intersections...
lights brighten...
the air fills with living breaths...

Frosty and me...

Glass as frozen as the lakes...
A touch sends vibrations along the cracked window panes...
Winter is all over the place with laughter, but not at mine...
The dear old frosty was no snowman to play with...
Its pointed nose and deep blue toes pattered all along the visions of the horizon...
I had but a dwindling fire place...
a soon to extinguish one...
a little warmth which last a blow in time...
Not to mention the cough I am having...
a delighted imp slides across my yard...
in the thick white carpet...

I have not been out for days...
perhaps weeks..
god knows how many mornings have past in this semi- dimmed skyline with no sunshine to spare...

Wesak Day

A silent celebration...
An enlightening dharmma talk...
That is all I need...

May the prayers benefit all mankind...
A selfless commitment is still a dishonest claim...
and there I shall wait for the time to come and restore the inner peace...
For then, shall I realise things I have not being enlighten to...
There within me... an awakening awaits...

Happy Wesak Day everyone...

Autumn...

Time to collect some leaves..
Time to collect some guts...
Time to buckle the saddles and toughen up against the morning chills...
the nightly socks which pocket the wondering stars...
Saving up better dreams for the howling nights...
the flings of colours flashed in every twig...
fluffy feathers shead....
shakes of reddish strand...
strawing the soft moist surface...
the frost is coming...
time to collect the leaves,
to shelter the colour which won't last forever...

What drives on time...

A flicker of candle,
a waver of dandelion heads full with puffy seeds...
the howling of wind,
the lapping of waves...
as time stretches, the more reasons, the more drives which drags us to live on, to stay on...
friends, families, foes, and special ones weaved relationships which keeps us going in life...
What is there to live for if there is not a reason to live?
Life grows where there is a reason to live...
Sometimes expectations are good...
they give reasons to live on...
to live on a meaningful life...
a reasonable life which could make other people's life as meaningful as ours too...
the ceasation of life, that is when the purpose in life is served whether it is an ideal one or not,  achieved through a rightful way of life or the other way round,  life is a hope for repentance...or a chance for others to repent...
life is just, just as life is moving on...

Another opening...

Autumn opens the doors of pretty reddish - yellow footprints all over the ground... Fluttery as wings, gently laid on the surface... Swirling wind chiming around them... Bringing in peaceful evenings where strolls are missed...
The moltar is heated with prints too... the sign of hustle as the halls come alive again... Listening to the tune of a song which is ironically entitled 'the city where autumn never reached'... It was as peaceful as the land where autumn is born... Little pleasures are hard to come by now... As life walks along the four seasons repetitively, appreciation for little events which make the heart glow is very much anticipated...
All my life I have never felt so blessed... People who love me, and the addition of someone specially dear to the heart... Cries of baby nieces over skype made my day... I live not just for myself but for the life itself... It is great to be alive...

Addicted...

'The A Team' song runs repetitively on my laptop... It is such a sad little song which sounds so peaceful and quiet at the same time... It brings up all the sorrowful feelings in me... Maybe I like the sorrows in nature... It feels so nice listening to it... There are so many untolded stories which underlies this song... There's something powerful that keeps pulling me to it...   

Timeless vacuum....

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/4/20/nation/20120420004214&sec=nation

This is what I came across while browsing through the pages.. I had to rub my eyes a few times before I could believe what I saw... Seriously... Stopping the time literally??? What madness is this... Time does not stop, it just 'stop' in that particular space of delusion while the clocks in the rest of the world tick away the used time spaces... Stopping the clock doesn't mean you stop time..time can never be stopped... only people who are delusinated live happily in the 'suspension of time'... stopping the clock just meant that you disconnect the machine from the power source... It is as such, a simple thing to achieve....  The shocking ways of how people thought they could control worldly matter...

Boundless....

Ever since I learn to appreciate the veils above...
I marvel at its ever churning splendour of motions...
the streaks, and breezy sketches
where peace is found...
residing at the upside down pool...
the dreams, the life...
where life thrives...
there will be the awe of emotions...
the sudden surge of energy to appreciate and be grateful...
for what we have is going to be what we had,
and in that we had the chance to owned it once in a life time...

Missing my wings...

They flew over the hills and played with the bumble bees...
No, to be exact, they helped the bumble bees collect their nectar....
to prevent the population wipe out phenomena...
My wings grew stronger... flapping away in the distance, while I silently waited for them to come back...
It is the lost, the bittersweet lost which I hope is momentary... I couldn't take the absence of my wings, though once I could survived without them..
I missed them badly... those wings which granted me the pleasure of feeling the wind flow beating in my chest...
flutter, flutter...
Please come back soon, I could not bear to lose these wings...
I have put too much of my fondness in them...

我们到底怎么了？

少些什么。。。 没那么天真了。。。
世界把我们冲成烫热的饮料。。。
却少了一份浓浓的亲切感。。。

缺了你的陪伴。。。

A Tapping...

Which is worse? Being picked or picked...
picked and dumped make a vase smell of spring...
days are numbered before, the stem grow all yellowish brown...
the warm becomes the brittle..
threatening to tear....
at the slightest touch...
I could not bear something pure... that is rotten...
as rotten as the dead leaves on the stem....
the cool air blew... the horror of smelling a delightful smell..
which in fact is mere poison...
what is there to the petal...
as white as it seems, as dangerous as it smells..
and yet it pleaded innocence...
such insolence....

of transparent wings...

it soared high...
winter leaves circling below...
bits of ice and rainbow...
blossoms of cloudy flowers spread like foams across invicible floors...

the wind was so much fun up here...
everthing and anything feel like snowflake throwing confetti...
the joy oof flapping when everything can be seen...
through the transparent sun caught wings...

依赖。。。

依赖让人变弱。。。
习惯依赖你。。。
看你那么忙。。。
只能默默的等。。。

错误的时间。。。
真是不应该。。。
不应该给那么一个承诺。。。

遥远的你。。。
我们之间的距离。。。
太远了。。。

Not too long ago...

An event held not too long ago had passed for the second time... This is my second year participating in the run... Things that are so wonderous a few months before no longer excites me... But there is a cool contemptment in me, to run the run I did once and to finish it in a much shorter time... I no longer stop and look for miracles, as miracles are pathetic these days... It is the simple peaceful route without an outstanding feature which caught my attention...

I realised and recognise such a run...Is that what I had been doing all my life? Running? running along the lengthy drive... No footsteps stayed long as dust blows it away... My time....

Care-free...

What is there to care, when backstabs are everywhere...
what is there to bear, when all men do is tear...
what is there to trust, when all we get is frust...
What is there to rely, when all that lie are lies...
what is there to fare, when the only coming is despair...

To be wise or not to be wise... the wise called the unwise stupids...
the unwise called the wise vains...
to silent or be silent...
either ways brings challenge...
silence becomes ignorance or mummified...
nothing counts, no one cares in the end...
Mouthers care to munch hearts,
but not mouth dignities...

So as a 'haha' becomes a 'baahh'...
what is done is degraded...
what is personalized is picked on...
So men are scavangers...

人

人，太乱。。。
世界不再亮。。。
人类，醒醒吧。。。

人，太复杂。。。
感觉太乱。。。
经不起讽刺。。。
死念耿耿于怀。。。

人，总有一时。。。
疯狂起来。。。
回不了头。。。
让死神起了念头。。。

Okura Tramping

I had joined the tramping club for the first time ever this year. I regretted a lot for not joining it last year. It was a fun 3 hour walk around the bushes and muddy coastal area. The actual time for the whole journey was actually 5 hours as we had to wait for other people at the gathering area. The weather was so uncertain... The rare pleasure of getting soaked in rain water was fun... the salty taste which trickles down had a mix of rain water plus my own sweat...I guess I had not been so dirty and slimy for a long time..weirdly, it was a pleasant feeling...

  

I love this last picture a lot...It looks like something out of a long forgotten play ground or secret garden...

Down the life thread, from the ball of wool...

The kittens played with the woollen ball. the hands made woollen threads into many practical things which brings warmth,  comfort and pleasure. What is seldom noticed - the start of the thread... finely interwave each other with fluffy twists and turns at the beginning.

The inspiring evening lecture yesterday was one of the most enjoyeable one I had so far... The lecturer guided me back to my blurred memories of story encounters, fishing them from the depth of my thoughts. Those that threatened to fade away as more realistic thinking dominates now. Many years had passed by, though they can't be seen as ancient, but books that were mentioned yesterday cause and erruption of emotions on the re-visit to so many books that I had came across before. From LadyBirds to Enid Blyton to Eragons, to Twilights, and the intervals of various books of forgotten authors.. The smell of books which I had not been able to sniff for such a long time came to my senses... I sat as memorized as the others concentrating on the enlighting talk which I wished could go on forever.  After my re-mergence  from the trance that he had unnknowingly provided, my mind was filled with awe that the long journey that I had made so far... to flashback again on memories that now leave vivid studs in my head...
An evening of finding the start of a life thread... a change from the small little kid that I was...  

Autumn draws in...

My first day of uni wasn't that bad just an hour's lecture to re-activate the rusty brain... The one and only three months summer holidays is gone and never to repeat itself again... The morning sky has a hint of lemon zest in it as the wind sweeps summer out... All mornings wake people up to its cheerful spirit of cloud wisps that hang awkwardly, occupying corners of lemonish blue...
Time to kick out the new semester with memories to fill in years to come...

Getting new links...

I was chatting with him when we started discussion about the no man is an island (rather dull topic)...  What's in life when we do not mingle... And yet when we mingle, we wished that we had not... Such irony... Joining in as part of the volunteering team in uni to help out freshies before the semester starts was a great experience... Mingling is one aspect, getting to know is another... Thus on the surface of socialization, how many links could we build to extend friendship? More often than not, we only had the moment of laughter when we are participating with anticipation... How many would have walked by with a smile of recognition long after all these end? Casual links are abundant but not firm links... They are passer-bys... As time passes, how many find out the same passion or interest just by mingling...? Mingling just for the sake of mingling is the trend now... where mingling allows the absorption of new experience, new perspective, new formal inter - beneficial links... It is a good thing I guess... As minglers could proudly say... we mingle and found lots of resourceful allies buddies with common interest...  

New Sort of Experience...

Dancing in the street which is so public never cros my mind till I had a go at it today...
It was great fun, though my steps aren't good...
but the feeling of enjoying the dance is just amazing...

I had never felt better, though the steps were all jumbled up, I did not feel embarassed being watched by so many eyes. Actually, I don't seem to care much about the spectators who were watching...
Maybe because it was a foreign country where nobody knows who I am or where I am from...
It was simply fun... but definitely, much more enjoyment would have come if I am familiar with those steps...
Anyway, all had been recorded or taken as pictures... Ugly or not, who cares... So it is a once a life time experience as I am no performer or star who is used to public performances... This sort of dancing is just fun.... especially when no one knows you... I bet there won't be such an opportunity to do this again when I go back... Speculations shall await that moment...

Cool stuffs....

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2012/01/26/the-secret-power-of-introverts/2/

I came across this article which had been up for quite sometime... But it is never too late to read... It makes me think a lot... Does the world pushes introverts to perceive that they are those pathetic and floundering people who stared with thousands of questions in their eyes and yet stood as silent as a mouse? All those doubts cast on introverts are definitely unfair...
Most often than not, people outgrown introverted friends and trust me, they will never outgrow extrovert ones... whether opposite attracts or not, this world is definitely going to be dominated by extroverted people for the rest of the galaxy span and many millenniums to come...
this article gets me thinking... would extroverts ever want an introvert leader... that is quite impossible  unless he/she could shout out what they think... there will be uneasiness hovering around and i bet introvert leaders won't be of much use if extroverts overshadowed them...
Ideals remain ideals... The world follows one but not the other, as it never follows both... the book is surely soomething worth reading, but how many people are willing to be convinced...
 

Stains...

Washing and scrubbing stains aren't as easy as leaving it overnight soaked in water...the scrubbing of the such stains makes the process a weary one... sometimes, the water softens, but most often, it does not...
Only a firm persistence could do away with these troublesome layers...
over-persistance marks scratches... that is worse than stains which might be potentially temporary...
thus, only a right technique could have the removal effect..
 but most often than not, surfaces scrubbed ended up stained because the hands that washed it are convinced that scars would definitely appear if more effort and time are given to work on it...
so it stayed stained, till some other hands who scrubbed it discover that a little more persistance would have done good without making the surface dull... The delighted exerts more power than ever, wanting the removal to be faster... yet, it drew a scar...
pushing too much increase the risk of potential scars... and that effort wasn't helpful either...
whatever techniques there are, both handlers still question the thin line between removing a stain and putting a scratch...
People, could you discover the thin line between these two?

Small changes, bigger doubts...

where is all when things started advancing...
where cherry blues ripen...
trodding on sleek brittle web...
it is not sticky... but a wrong thread...
sends you straight into the mouth of the waiting...
then you could see the stomach with all the agonies gone with it within...

Opposites...

As much that I was sleepy I was wide awake...
the moon streams silver on my cheek...
a pale soothing touch...
the golden streaks of reddish sun shadowing it across the nose when I tipped my head...
staring lazily at the lingering clouds...disappearing to reveal studs of bright studs flickering in the unreachable high above...
where colours flourished in vast varying colours...
the gentle breeze, blew the awkwardly stiff stalks...
the pour of sloshing water tumbled across the creek...
where the still met the scrambling...

What is given...

When it is given...
I didn't mean to hurt...
I hope you aren't hurt..
I just wish you knew...
that you know me well...
I want to see how things would be...
When we finally meet...
sometime in the future...

Thrown...

I throw myself a chance...
And I took it back...
a hard time taking it back...
it needs recoiling...
but it didn't it hung between my chest and its bouncing point..
the jester...
sewn by invicible threads...
to my weary shirt..
its laugh was once warm...
but then, it turns cynical...
but what do I do...
I just hope it do cling...
because that would be the start of everything..
and end of nothing...
.

Mornings....

morning is a stink of sunny beams...
not much in favor of the sunshine here...
it hurts...
because of various UV reasons...
there's a hole just above us...
the skin scadded...
that tan is not cool...

it whimpers...
i longed the sweat and sunshine in my homeland...
though I sweat...
though it glares...
there are great warmth...
beyond words, beyond the extreme weather...
the humid and dense air filled every morning with every chatter of the birds...

that's how mornings remind me...
of rain and shine...

Something magical...

Some day...
maybe in the several decades to come...
I hope to step on the land of the midnight sun...
of course it is not the Twilight series..
which dazzled so many thousand kids...
This land truly exists....
I would like to wonder under the heavenly lights...
a world so different...
a world apart from the tropics, the four seasoned..
the whales piping their songs so hauntingly...
the glow so  mysterious and magical...
a place where silence speaks of beauty...
a place of ice and dancing waves in the sky...
I longed to reach for the glow..
in the cool mellow wind...
embraced in the energy that resides so mysteriously...
a long forgotten...
a fade scent of its existance...

Puffs in the short street...

A short narrow street...
Filled with puffs from the nature..
puffs from the vehicles...
puffs from the people...
It lies...
taking in all the comfort and discomfort the puffs which swept across its skin...
as frequently as night and day spin...
its cobbled skin caked with dirt and dust...
And its joyous times were of the purifying shower which sends the puffing people scrambling across it...
the puffs make it shiver during its shower...
but those puffs are cleansed too... it pitied the long winding street whose head merely touches its rib...
the body stretches down below... where dirt and dust are swept down from the short street's body.. and over its head.. down to the longest toe...
where once the dirt was its...
they cling tightly to the long winding street... the roughly made body...
and so though the short street is dirt for almost every single broad day light...
it sometimes had the privilege of a brisk cleaning...
and so it often wonder...
does the long winding road had this moment before...
or do the other bending street...
or do the others streets than connect them had ever had it all...
as as far as it could see.. it was stacked all above them....

Living light...

Steps trotted...
people with suitcases hurried by...
Working in a windowless room is no fun...
And the chill in there was so impossibly real...
The sun shone brightly showering part of the table in the opposite room with golden specks...
facing the radiation for long hours is no fun...
That is when i wished i could burst into the open air..
a clearing... overgrown with green and soft moss flooring...
the feet will go pad pad pad over it as they skipped joyously to the tune of carefree past times...
borderless... even when sky meets at the horizon...
it's a thousand times better than to face four walls of peeling grey wash...
I would exchange for a hearing of the horses neigh... than the typing keys of a keyboard and the dull clicking mouse...
The world outside awaits...As i rattled away in the glum stuffy space...

Endless...

There is a case of thug...
There in a minute your flesh unharmed,  in another it tore...
Yet in another it healed or rot... either ways...it is always the same...
The water purifies itself in a cycle... rivers into vapours into clouds into rain into seas and streams... everything is in circles....
That is where every tiny little thing starts and fades...
the momentum was as if a cursed chain...
binds the wits... things drag on...
you bathe...
You ar clean but not for long...
your body smells after a certain time...
you never stay purified for long...
yet although the processing of getting stinky is fast...
the purification is slow...
nothing stays purified for long...
are dirt really dirt when it starts out?
a means to cling makes dust a dirt...
when it clings, refusing to barge, it grows...
when it grows... it accumulates..
alongside claims other recollections of its own...
when they collide...
they attract..
the essence arose...
thus, the stench...

Soon...

Soon dawn will unveil...
to the flutter of perhaps a cloudy sky...
the wind is quiet today...
Everything is....
I have seen a few lanterns dangling...
but are they meaningful...
I would like to stretch my arms out wide...
towards my loved ones....
across the sea..between horizons...
there are no laughter,
nor tears...

there will be only contentment...
a cove hidden so,
fins are seen...
but yet to be discovered...
what lies below...
what lays there...
only the knowing at that time
spell the most exact notion...
of what lies below...
a current,
or undercurrent..
who knows,
is the trapped glow of dawn...
the glow that will soon be united...
when heavens meet the morning dawn...

Things that matter...

All this time... Work has been good... I must say the working hours aren't too long neither are they short... I had moved to a windowless room... The stuffy room makes it hard to get a change of inspiration...
New Year is just arouund the corner... Yet there isn't any festive mood here... The walk to uni was as usual filled with people of all sorts, mostly students... New faces who are present for summer school.. Exhaustion was inevitable for me as all I need to do is stare at the desktop all day long...

Browsing through videos after work was fortunately not that stressful.. My mind wonders around imagining the festive mood in my hometown... though it would be quite a sleepy hole, things would never be like what I experience in a foreign country.. No programmes, no special events... except maybe on this coming 21st...I would have to see how they celebrate it here... A little progress which captured my eye along the short stretch of road, few lanterns hanging silently on the lamp post.... No festive songs... Not a word breathe about it... Yet, those lanterns fill a little part of me with a fade warmth... I wonder whether they lit up at night...

The greatest dissappointment was the muddled mind of someone who does not care about this celebration... They got the wrong zodiac for this year...Wake up, it's the year of the water dragon silly... Simply dreadful.. They care not of reunions, they care not for merry-making,  of being with friends and family.. All they care is to get drunk during the festive season... that's their partying.. that's their so called happiness... Such indulgence...

It is regretful that they knew not of the joys of get togethers and the bond in collectivist culture... Well, after all they do not share the greatest of minds either... After all those things are trivial matters for them... Leading a half drunken life...

A Blessing...

Although I haven't heard any dhamma talks for quite a long time, the online streaming was a wonderful one...I feel blessed for opening my page at the right moment to actually see it...

I pray hard that the life that is the cause and end of suffering can be a productive one to know the extends of the Buddha's teaching ...The four fears as I heard in Chatuma Sutta... This I will share with those who visited my blog...
Fear of waves - Anger caused by pride...
Fear of Crocodiles - glutinity... temptation of food...
Fear of whirlpools - unguarded senses... the five sensory pleasures
Fear of Sharks - attraction towards the opposite gender... lust....
all these are obstacles to those who wanted to deepen their cultivation...

The first fear that I am determined to overcome is the fear of whirlpools...
it is hard not to fear them... as it is easy to get carried away...
carried away by senses... are indulgence of worldly conditions...those that are temporary...

During the course of listening to the Sutta Study session, someone happened to ask to separate children who come to the monestry with their parents... I feel that it should not be done... Children who are brought to the monastry at a very young age gets more exposure to dharmma teachings and monks and other venerable lay people who could guide them... Yes, they may be noisy, but through the course of the constant exposure, they are able to gain self discipline as time goes by... Those children who follow the dharmma will not be lost easily in their paths.. I feel that it is the greatest blessing that the parents could offer to their children... I have been brought up by such parents... It is the blessing that they have given me, that drives me towards the path...



 

Difference of 'What Ifs' and 'Should Haves'...

When  you live longer, the what if list grew too...
ten years from now,
five years from now...
I'll be sitting somewhere in a corner thinking about what ifs...
life could have been different with the what ifs...
the what if turns into regrets, but not always, sometimes it is a relief...
A chance given to ponder about what ifs is ideal...
as we sit there thinking about what ifs,
we definitely made a decent if not good chance,
we might not be sitting here thinking about what ifs comfortably if it hadn't turn out to be a finer one...
When we are just thinking about what ifs, it is not a sign of remorse...
it is just the curiousity of an alternative that we missed...
when 'what ifs' are replaced by 'should haves', it takes a different note,
'should haves' show remorse...

Thinking a lot makes you think more...
that's what I did today over lunch break...
overlooking a spectacular view of the tennis court surrounded by lush greenery...

Satisfaction...

Sometimes living the time without any care is a suffering..
too much of a good thing is bad too...
When there is some drive to keep your life going...
First time experiencing it and you feel exhausted - yet not being able to rest well...
Second time almost the same feeling, but there is a sense of achievement there...
Third time, the satisfaction overrides exhaustion...
By the end of the day, when you had try stretching your limit in the job that is assigned...
It is another form of pure bliss...
A sense of satisfaction for not letting time tick away carefreely...
As I caught up with time...

Places...

Places and people...
they create each other...
What is there to awe...
the difference of the different...
as new as an experience is...
new turns wary...
wary becomes norm...
norm becomes banal...
so to turn it over, switching is constant...
thus the new stays constant...

Where travelers go...
They see the front and back of a difference...
thus, not dazzled...
their change becomes a banality...
and banalities are just seeing the awed as norm...
So their travelling is not a big deal...

When the last piece of land is covered...
Well, the world is certainly small in time...

What I See...

The long break had certainly provide many insights for me... where I have been and what I had done has certainly get me ponder a lot more... there are worlds within worlds, yet there are none at all... cycles after cycles, the same mundane spring of life... makes everything seems exciting?  I only mind the thinking that grow deep now... Many things that we should be pondering, we neglected... this web which we put against ourselves... So I conclude, working too much doesn't make you think in a more progressive ways, it just helps us to think in a more creative ways of how to manipulate our work and increase productivity... and where is the us in us... at the end of the day, the lesson would be, I have typed a page of words more quickly or I have thought of a cunning way which no one had ever thought of... That makes people arrogant workaholics...

A few days ago I went out to set some household stuff right (which was fruitless that day) and was just about to return to the nest when a woman in late twenties sat beside me waiting for the bus... It was a sunny day, I was hot and bothered... sweating a lot for the first time under a minor circumstance of just a brisk long walk... She sat obviously in my direction and enquired whether I was waiting for the same red shuttle... It was a delightful moment of chatting with her... She quited her job and gather everything from California to tour around the world... That would never have happened for people who loathe insecurity... It would definitely be an unsettling and daring move to do... Well, not that surprising actually that most people do backpacking to release their long suppressed  stress... It was a delightful thought, but how many of us actually have the guts to do it? Being so uncertain in life... so carefree yet so frustrating... when weariness gets better of the carefree... in exchange, frustration grows... feelings after feelings interchange... Isn't this tiring? What could be left without a second ponder and what you simply could not let go? it is agonizing... words upon words that people write, wrote or had written.. it is also repetitive... It was as if you had climbed the cliffs and when you are tired, you refuse to let it go despite there is a safe landing spot (guaranteed) hovering just few metres below, and a firm harness which will gently lower you to it once you ease your grip? Life - it is just a meter of movements...

Back to life...

I stopped my sharing for a while as line wasn't accessible... Now that I am back... It is great to be able to stare at the lappy, posting whatever that comes to mind....
the previous post was written in a public area... hateful scanning eyes all around kills the mood of feeling what I feel...
holidays is awesome so far... the countdown in this country was a neck - breaking one... cause I strained my neck to witness the so called spectacular fireworks... hmmm, not really as impressive as the one during RWC... days without the net was a good thing too although the mood in the house was a bit dull... but still, books were and are around....
job starting soon too... I hope I'll managed it well...

Once again...

As time challenges, I felt challenged...
A new tide, a new dawn...
where I am at a peak - a point of ending....
I realised a silver path upwards...
another mountain of glacier to conquer...
the clouds cleared...
revealing just enough for me to make out several steppable footings that seem not like trails,
but yet they are trails...
ones that I knew so well yet I do not...
those that I could step on, cling on, claw on, heave myself upon... manageable but uncertain...
And yet I knew, these I would endured...
for when time comes I would realised not a peak which stands in my way, but loads of other peaks to conquer once I came to the narrowed end of a beginning...which opens a begining...
Things spin...
whirling loads of stuff...
 what I absorbed, what I do not...
all lie...
I absorbed what I could, and what I could not I leave..
the ending, the beginning...
all such are 'once agains' all the time which are 'once-upon-a-time's...