Journey...

I would have to climb out from my bed tomorrow early in the morning... The journey will start at 6am... I hate long journeys sitting in the car doing nothing... Sleeping perhaps the whole day after that till i see the paddy fields in Kelantan...

Then, merrier moments of reunion with my cousin's baby...^^

Had my hair trimmed today...Mum said my hair was way too thick to suit the dresses... my head felt kind of light now... Much of my hair are left on the floor of the barber...kakaka...

Hope that this journey will be an enjoyable one...

Lilies in the Water...

Lilies... purest of all petals...
Gone, the sluggish flow...
Roots ironically still sweeping the river bed... nourishing...
Isn't it a illusion, a deceiving one?

The scar never heal, a silver lining embed its permanence - 'healed'
like lilies, supported by its roots...
like a sunflower to the sunny beams...
scorching hot, harming its face.... Charcoal black, bursting with seeds...
Rustling and rattling the emptiness in the dark...

Fragrance from the lilies..faded...mild... but unforgettable???
Does it have one at all... sensory illusion...
where's the layers of paintings that paint it a pure pinkish proof...
Where i see, more white than pink, smattering mud, fine thorns in abundance...
that's where my soul pricked itself...
sealed by the silver line of the moonlight...
healed only in the presence of darkness...
torn during a bright day...

Therefore, you see a lily with its stem mangled
petals soaked in the swampy water it loathes so much
drained of pinkness
pale
not even the dew
could rest....

The lily choked, gulped helplessly...
till its twilight...

Radiant Dances...

My parents had bought tickets to this charity performance by the Terengganu Buddhist Association... As usually, they have it in the Auditorium Taman Budaya at Kuala Ibai... Their show was as usual a huge success... I've always wish to join in all these dances as the youth wing is also involved but i never had the chance last time due to the gruelling high school schedule... I'm so glad that my cousin and my junior are in the dances... The joy of seeing them dancing last night was just wonderful... Their dances have improved a lot and are of higher standards since the pioneer performance in 1999.

The lightings in the auditorium are always superb... It's so a fortunate fate to be able to see them perform again... Saw my high school teacher there too, she didn't change much... The two chatterboxes behind my seat were kind of disturbing as they shouted comments when the performers are performing... Mere children of tens i think, they are quite bold and outspoken which indicates generations of values have changed...Their quirky pranks spoiled mum's mood quite a bit i think, because of the occasional grumbling from her during the show about them...

Though a heavy downpour had casted itself upon the land, the auditorium was a full house... I'm so proud of them as their performances have passed through the national level... They still have many sessions of performance throughout the country- Penang, Melaka, Kelantan, Kuala Lumpur...but not once in Johore yet...If they come when I'm there, I'll definitely go for their show...

I just hope that the rain spells could be a little milder now...Don't want to spend the rest of my holidays cooped up in the house... Rain, rain go away, come again another day... Those who are sitting for their STPM, good luck to all of you!!!! Take care especially during this monsoon season!!!

Rainy sprays...

I slept the whole day after coming back to my home... The bus was a freezer after 2am at dawn... Cant sleep a wink at all in the bus...But thank god I've arrived safely home... It's always great to be home although the monsoon season is showering on this piece of land the whole day already... Mum recovered from the cholera infection she experienced that day, she didn tell me earlier maybe because she felt that i might be worried... Thank god as it did not worsen, and she is as healthy as life itself... Mum had went all the way to fetch me back... There were so many files that i had to bring back... It's no longer useful for my first year degree next year... Went shopping with mum as she hadn't been to City Square before... I got two dresses from her purchase...Thanks, mommy....^^



Home, fresh air that i missed smelling so much... I always feel that magic is in the air which surrounds my home... The freshness could not be compared to, anywhere else... Hot bath was a long yearned treat after the long months of cold shower in JB...I got it at last... A fine thing too! as the monsoon does bring chilling spells... I bet it's worse in NZ next time...I wonder whether i could stand the weather there? Hmmm, i always think too far...That's why i must always remind myself that the present is a present^^

There are so many thing that can be done during this monsoon break... It feels great to be home... Friends of the same soil, let's meet up!!! rainy or sunny...

His Poems...

i started to fall in love with Ted Hughes' s poems after we were told to glance through all the poems that are written by him (if they could possibly be found)... although the descriptions are quite morbid, i like the way he put forth the crow's mannerism... Poems on nature are what i like to read... Thus, his pen - ons suit my criteria... I came across this particular one which is very much similiar to what i feel... And, oh my, i do love the sea!!!

Crow and the Sea

He tried ignoring the sea
But it was bigger than death, just as it was bigger than life.

He tried talking to the sea
But his brain shuttered and his eyes winced from it as from open flame.

He tried sympathy for the sea
But it shouldered him off - as a dead thing shoulders you off.

He tried hating the sea
But instantly felt like a scrutty dry rabbit-dropping on the windy cliff.

He tried just being in the same world as the sea
But his lungs were not deep enough

And his cheery blood banged off it
Like a water-drop off a hot stove.

Finally

He turned his back and he marched away from the sea

As a crucified man cannot move.

i love literature more than ever now... I hope to be in Miss Ratha's class next year (she's the one who will be teaching literature)... This year is actually coming to an end... I can't believe that i have done my foundations... Starting from January next year, first year degree syllabus for me...New challenges ahead with far more difficult assignments, coursework, presentations and of course, the final of all finals before I could fly yonder... Results will be out next year which is a little disappointing for me because i really really want to know my results badly... Though i might enjoy this holidays, i will still be thinking about the results... No fun knowing it next year, it seems like ages... And i dread this feelings...

Farewell for the Last Time...

It was quite a successful occasion... although there are some grubs nuisance and the several lighting problem... Well done Tesolians! we did a great job to honour the seniors the farewell that they deserve... It was one wonderful night although it is held in a not so grand venue...But we made it look grand... that's the most successful element of all...

My table even won the lucky draw!!!

the final result of our masterpiece

i personally like this picture very much...^^

Miss Nenny told me something that I'm not very certain whether i heard it correctly or wrongly... it's quite hard to believe, i feel like I'm in a dream but not the nightmarish type... it's the opposite way round...yet, she just give hints...saying that she'll tell tomorrow... Atiqah gave us the certain answer that we longed to know for the past few weeks, so the rumours that fc 2 does not have failures in all subjects is true...Yeah!!! Congratulations to all my classmates...We did it!!!^^

The cleaning up process will start tomorrow morning at 9am... the hardest part would be tearing down the decorations that we had done so nicely... everything will be gone tomorrow...such a short period of existence... what a pity... Yet the process of completing it is one memorable experience which is hard to forget... Bye bye seniors!!! hope to see you guys soon in NZ... ^^

A Little Too Late...But Better Than Never...

I found the late Yasmin Ahmad's blog... I'm so glad to have found it although she has left us for sometime now... It was heart-warming when i browsed through her blog... Her thoughts and her feelings are still very alive... I love most of her film productions and I'm determined to watch every single one of it...

Heard the most dreaded news just now, John Hope is going to meet us on Thursday... I wonder how my grades are... Imagining that my papers have gone through the scrutiny of the three lecturers and then the Aucklanders, it does stirred some butterflies in my stomach ... It's such a strict marking scheme, worse than spm... There seemed to be another rumours circulating around- my class doesn't have failures... I hope it is true...I know that all my classmates have in a way or another work very hard for this finals... Let's just keep our fingers crossed and hope that it is a fact...

I wonder whether I would sleep well tonight? Why did everybody have dreams about exams but i did not??? is it a good or bad omen?

Ehaerera...

Seniors are all going to the land of Kiwis(New Zealand) next year... It'll be a wonderful journey that they will embark on... Haiz, us, the juniors aren't even sure about the results that is going to come out for the finals for this foundation year... I just hope that i could mantain the mock exam results...

Today is their farewell party...I heard that the Aucklanders had shopped for new red and black attires just for this event... I didn't even bothered to wear anything fancy...hahaha...
Guess what, i'm wearing my own D.I.Y design... just a red sweater with the skirt i always wear to class (coz it can be modified into a dress)...I'm so lazy, hahaha, hope that it doesn't look too weird though Theva had reassured me that it looks nice on me and that no one will notice that i'm actually wearing my skirt... It's dual ways of wearing actually, and this is the first time i'm trying the second way... I don't want to embarrass myself actually...but i'm so busy with the deco work that i do not even bother to borrow anything wearable from my friends...So, you can guess how terribly i'll be dressing up in...

The King and Queen of the night is the most awaited event tonight....And the other one is the 'montage of photos' as Miss Ratha said... I hope my photos aren't too bad...kakaka... I wish that everything will be fine about 18 hours from now...^^

Little Ironies, Big Havoc...

The glittery stuff hadn't ended just there yesterday... Yet finally, we are able to produce this masterpiece... Very satisfied with it...Thanks to Theva, Prasana, Kamilah, and Fara...

There are other incident which makes me boil... I've done my part yet someone can actually said that we did nothing and we actually get the scolding... I wonder how such people survive without sheer tolerance from the others... 'What a pleasant way' to approve other people's work huh? Our effort, her name... I'm the bad one as usually ordering people to do work???? I sick of the hypocrisy conjured... The irony lays where I'm the one who gets to hear the word 'I'm sick of asking them....' from someone who did nothing to help... If you don't have any leadership qualities, please don't volunteer to be one... what have you done to quicken the process??? none... we did the donkey work and yet you bad mouthed us??? what's tat for?? to break unity??? Anyone heard of the leader trying to break team work among the members? Hah! Okay, i know you want to be seen as a very good person who does not annoy the members (that's the way to protect you reputation i guess)... But u have INDEED annoyed us by acting that way... It's not the way to earn other people's respect...

I know the others have eyes to see who does their job... You are just paying lip service... You started the fire... you tried to build tension between us? I thought you are innocent at first until i learned of the other side of the story...Sorry to say, you are a coward if you cant even seek help from those who are willing to help... Don't throw your weight around because you are at fault, not us... You really did some serious back stabbing... It's not a good thing at all for a young adult who should be wiser in thoughts and acts...

I learn the hard way, once beaten twice shy, not gonna let it happen again... I do not care what you wanna think about me after reading this post but i know that you yourself know the truth... i have the credibility to confront you because i have proofs and you have lies...

Going Glittery...

Finally, i finish my part, those words sparkling and twinkling under the lamp, (though it wasn't romantic at all) laid on the newspaper spread out, ready to be displayed in the Open Hall this 17th November... It was one tedious task...I was covered in the golden glitters which i could not possibly get rid of every single speck of them... we cut the moulds and sprinkle the minuscules on it after applying the glue on it... Satisfying? Could say so... but i'm too tired to feel about that yet... The end result is not too bad... thanks to the team effort given by Theva...

I've started on Alliasid anothe ebook...But the bustle these few days had forced me to abandon it for the meantime... Haiz, get the farewell going and take a good rest after that... I missed my sweet home suddenly... T.T

Flat out... every single breath has been squeezed out of me...

My throat was clogged when i got up today... Maybe it was due to the over-exercising of my voice box the previous day... The weather was unpredictable... Helped Kiru with her script... Too much of the flowery crap i had put in... I was kept busy the whole day scouting around for the decoration items at Angsana and Mydin... Angsana turn out to be quite a mall to shop...Hmmm...it was more like a mall than what i heard of... Rumours are seldom true anyway... Bought the cloths for rm125... It was quite costly... My aim now is to get the hall set up nicely in time for the farewell... Hope that the effects are as what we are expecting... Such limited time to do it and also with fewer hands left to help around...it was frustrating...

I have to have my lunch which i ordered earlier as my dinner though i do not really have any apeptite for it now... The weariness doesn't wear off so quickly though i'm already back in my room for at least an hour... My energy is totally soaked out...

Once again i felt my wings are tied after the call... I'm still too young maybe... what a disappointment for me...;(

Hope that everything will turn out smoothly tomorrow... No more headache please...

What a Rush!

The date for the farewell party was changed abruptly... 17th to be exact, which means i can go back earlier...XP... Yet there are so many things to get ready, letters to ask permission for things, scouting around for materials, planning the arrangements...all those have to be prepared ready by the eve of the big day itself... I just hope that the effects would be just like what we have expected... black and red are the theme colours for this occasion... i've absolutely nothing black or red to wear for it, but then...haiz...just leave that till the eve, when i wish i could just borrow something suitable from my friends(hope they have something for me)... Too busy with the deco plans... Amirah and I are in-charge of the decorations in the hall, it's quite a tough one to handle but i hope we can make it look superb... "Ehaerera" which means "bye bye" in Maori language is the title for our night... The Aucklanders are coming down too, so it seems to be an international occasional for us and the seniors... I'm quite nervous about the decor... Hope it is not too overdone... Let's try our best to throw the best farewell party for our seniors!!!Tesolians go!!!

A Meal...

The feeling of nausea and headache went off...
Night lights are friendlier tonight, even the breeze has warmer breath today...
If only i can explore the world like that daily, life wouldn't be the same again...
It showered in the evening, but stopped abruptly at night, though still determined to hide the stars...
nice night, freedom of soul... Hope the wind you ride will bring you safely home, just like me... i'll sail with a similiar one home...a friend's love...^^

Rain... The Combination of Blue and Grey...

it was just a week ago, i was drenched in the rain for the sake of camping...The heavy downpour did nothing to pull down our uplift spirits... loads of photo shots in the rain...Like wet ducklings, proud to be sprinkled with the liquid of life... It was one heavy yet light memory...

Then, i started to love the drizzle too... the breeze which took the teardroplets and shook it upon me...it felt great! I felt so at ease... Hope to experience it again... The sky, a turbulent mix of bluish blue and greyish grey, tones change with every mile covered... The missing piece of jigsaw come in, attached to my heart... i'll always remember this day - a holly feeling of freedom... purest of all form in this dark city... The freedom made me feel that the streets aren't as dark as it sounded... My shirt a damp moisty feeling of earthy rain... the smell, overpowering the oxides exhausted... It's life in this bustle... sweeping the worries away... It'll always cheer me up, this little fond memory that will never recede... Thank you very much for giving me this...^^

Sight-Seeing...

How I wish IPTI has this sort of place to go... It's nice and relaxing...i would have gone there everyday just to find some peace in mind... Funny, there are no blood suckers at all when we went there last night... UTM does have superb landscapes...

If only i have a car to go around and a GPS device intact, i would certainly tour the whole of Johore... Just some kind of impossible dream... less than 2 weeks more before i really let my pressured feelings go... I hope I did well in my finals... I want the chance to experience something more than this four borders... Trapped in the hostel with no where to go... although i do go out for some time in the evening...it isn't the same though with the feeling when I'm able to travel freely without having to look at the watch and hurried around to get just in time into the institute's compound...

I just wish for the wings of age, but it didn't sprout from me... I wonder how the angels feel when they soar the sky... Read Anne's House of Dreams... It was such a conformity in its narration, but all those flowery and poetic expressions get me impressed... "a new moon kissing the water's edge".... "the sky was garlanded with stars"... these are a few which i like very much... credits to the author although i get to read her classic just then... I just hope that I'm able to produce such a marvellous piece of work too! Wonder if i have enough knowledge to start my writing passion now... I wanted to, but still hold back as i feel that my command of language isn't that good yet... I wish that my dreams will come through...

Listening to David Archuleta's Crush, i find that i could never feel tired of it...It's repeating over and over again in my laptop... Haha, love the lyrics and the tune, such nice feeling of uncertainty over a crush...it did reveal the ambiguity of having a crush... I feel that a beau would be better actually... A crush symbolises uncertainty - a drop of morning dew on a lily... When it evaporates, the absence is felt, though lighter... A beau - a pea pod... a certain certainty, just that whether it wants to burst out from the tightening pod or remains safe and sheltered in it... "Am i crazy or falling in love, or is it really just another crush"... love this uncertainty... "are u holding back like the way i do"...there's always a twist to it... the dear fairy tale "happy ever after ending" happens yet for a short while... the rest are a pot of gold over the other end of the rainbow, unreachable physically, yet mentally... Haha, don't get me wrong okay when i write about this... just pen down my thoughts... it sounds so dramatic...

I don't know why a suddenly rush of wind brought away the colours around me leaving me in white... white is nice too... i kind of like white already instead of blue... if the combination of white and blue could be mixed as such that the white remains white and the blue remains blue, yet it looked like they are mixed, would it be nice?

I want it to rain now for me, wash all my colours away except blue and white...because i have always envied the blue as to how it makes me worship it... Colours can be so fake... nice to see, yet there is really nothing there just like the rainbow which hangs in the sky showing off its frosty seven coloured mist...

...I look out of my window... the colour is a mix of blue and white, but why it looks grey when both of them combine?

fragments...

it's hard to believe that a few days before the exam, i finish reading an e-book - Anne of the Island, a sequel to Anne of Green Gables. Though it may be classical, i love it for it's richness of emotions and feelings that are cleverly conveyed in the form of words.

i remembered those who had scorned at my reading taste but i really do not care. I 'm not the typical chic flick type, so lovey dovey stories are a no - no (except a remix like Twilight saga which contains some fantasy elements and has somehow caught my attention). My choice of books are actually contradicting. fantasy vs realistic fiction which narrates life itself.

Anne of the Island talks about Anne's life as a young adult..how she goes through that stage of life with uncertainties about friendship, love, studies and passion. she has grown by the time the last page is flipped through. i really love the way the author expresses the reality is. life is full of uncertainties, a moment of joy with ended in a series of misfortunes, every corner is unknown until it is time to experience it, that is what which keep humans going in life.

I've also read the new edition of reader's digest yesterday. It turn out to be quite a disappointment, sort of a slight disappointment. somehow it feels different as the content are not as rich as it was during my parents' era. i love to dig for old reader digest in my house. dad still keeps many of the old editions he had ordered when he was still in college. the stories and articles are really attractive. perhaps it's something to do with the standard of language used.

there are still many e-books that i have never read, gonna use this period of free time to browse through all to my heart's content...no calls for final results please, i wanna enjoy my holidays...

Updates...

well, actually i have not been updating my blog for such a long time... neglect it for two months just to get myself set for the finals... okay time for some updates now...



26-30th October



these few days are my crucial period...four subjects gave me much tension... i hope my efforts will pay off...

Those few days while i was trying to calm down my nervousness when i walked to the examination hall, i took my time to stroll along the nearly 2 km road(because i went half an hour earlier that the half an hour when we were supposed to be there...kakaka)...It made me realised that my campus' landscape is worth a feast for my eyes too!

drinking from the morning calmness and nice scenery before the exam

this was snapped during my evening stroll back to my hostel (the building on the right)

the view at dusk

on the way up towards the guard house(left junction)/old block(walk straight along the curve)


there will be more updates tomorrow morning!^^

Why???

my wings are trained for the air bond freedom,
yet not prepared?
no, I've prepared enough,
my feathers are fully grown, yet, why???
why can't i fly?
the thunder threatens,
the horn sounded,
the lurking hawk, skimming the blue horizon,
yet I'm prepared...
not for a faraway flight,
but a short lurch into the air, i need to learn..
if the tree that cradles me no longer stands,
am i able to escape,
the wings untrained...
I'm vulnerable,
therefore a short life for me...

i need to train, if not, what's the use of wings?
i might as well cripple it...
yearned to see a tiny bit of the cloud
that hung a little further from the old oak shade
bluish orange,
my favourite combination.
none evil roots of some sort
I'll bite-
none rotten apples
I'd put,
i just need the flight,
the flight that brings me into the sky,
my tree will always be my shelter,
yet i must fly...
bird-ling chirrups are no longer heard...
it'll miss that,
that's a reality...
So Why????