I can't help myself...

I can't help myself believing that you somehow know what i feel...
i've got a hunch that you do stop by here, lingering...
somehow...

at such a date such a time, i started my story...

i love the ocean...i love the warm waters curling around my feet on a deserted shore...
the sand not too powdered, beads of circular fine grains...
i would imagine myself sitting soaked by the waves which throw themselves on me...
foams of frothy minerals patted against my skin...

I once heard
such a saying,
at such a time...
there is no hurry to get your soul mate just because you feel desperate...
when you choose in a hurry it isn't a soul mate...
just like those fast foods...
all you get are cholesterol....it drains you soul through the way you swell...
it fattens you with dissatisfaction...
tires you with regrets and downs...

thus, find one who will refreshes you...
who will feed you with good feelings that makes your cheeks rosy...
someone who blows life into your cobweb infested emptiness...
thus waiting would be the best solution...
to despos out there, don't rush...
or you'll get tore apart by the emptiness which deepens right to the core of your hollow as you flings light feelings to many at once...
those are mere beer which do not help once you are out of the state of drunkenness...
That's why i never touch these, in fact i loathe them...
because they cause long lasting depressions... which aren't even genuine...
i've been waiting, unbattered by weather of rumours and misunderstandings of the shallow minded, the childish ones, the pop-out-of-no-where ones who suddenly say 'I love you with all my heart'...==!

Therefore, do not misunderstand me of being an abnormal one who like those from the same gender cause i'm not!!! Although i may be the slowest to progress, i do not mind... Because i know that to find someone i truly like and vice versa is a rare historical event like those of the Romeo and Juliet - type... yet, i do not find this Shakespearean love inspiring at all...
Because i don't mind waiting for my pegasus...

P/s: it never came across my mind that of all the crushes i have, it was you whom i keep falling for all over again each time i see you... it's been such a long time...such a feeling...keep popping up, fantasies surface inconsistently but i never knew your heart... cause it is chained by some form of puzzle i do not comprehend because it is also changing...i've learned to stitch my cracks, not letting any feeling of this sort to fall out...

Confused...

Did you meant what you say?
I dare not dream the impossible...
Cause i knew it was all crappings...
Out of your sense of humor that has gone overboard...

so much have changed... i'm so tired of all these changes...
could we stand at the initial point where everything is just so prim and proper...?
I knew time can't be rewinded...
I just dreamt of it...
could there be just a tiny space, a comfort zone between us where we could weave our own fantasies and not the 1milimeter closeness which emphasises the true reality?
I do not believe in sweetness anymore...
because after the sweetness has gone... there will be hundreds of needles stabbing at me again...
i don't like it at all...
the brutal bitterness...
it rarely leaves without a scar...
i have too many a scar to have another one carved on my flesh...
thus, the further the better...
at least i can still continue my dream of the impossible...
because unknowing is much more sweeter than knowing...

Fresh...

Where the tulips grow i see life...
the dew on the frosted edge.. like sweet nectar ice-cream...
the bees and the butterflies couldn't sip it...

it remains... sweetness in the inside, like the beauty who slept in our childhood dreams...
waiting to be awaken... yet still it isn't..
where is my pot of frozen icicles? i had collected all of these under the bluish emerald moon cove... the wave like breeze streaming through me as i patted it into the bed of mother pearls..
i heard...
wonder whether it is true,
when the icicles of ocean and depth meet the frozen dew,
the ground will grow from the spot they combine...
rising up into the sky,
misty dew flakes fall like Nigeria Falls of the cliff of the topmost...
gushing away to most wonderful song of the sea sirens...
rocks colliding with each other keeping the structure firm and high... they ring like chimming bells...
It seems that fairytales come true up there...
Now where is my icicles?those which i think were these very icicles...
I search among the seahorse colonies...their presence gives a sparkle of glow...
the very bed of mother pearls have grown 'pearlier' than ever...
stars curl around my toes... a tickling sensation...
the pot i unearthen was....
it was....
full of starlets... the icicles gone...melted with the hopes of joining land...
a splendour of miracles...it formed starlets of hopes...
one day, they'll join the galaxies... the thousands of bright cherry glows beyond clouds and heavenly horrizons...

Cheap...

Cheap indicates something of low monetary value...for most of us... yet it can also be of morality and behaviour...Certain things that i couldn't stand about some so called 'creative designs' are a little too frank and shallow in meaning... one such example is of a green shirt with the printed words of 'I Recycle Girls' worn by a golden haired man... I feel that it was insulting and humiliating... Though he seemed to be proud wearing it... Seriously, i do not know what guys like these think about themselves.. Superior to girls perhaps??? Are they thinking that by admitting that they are Casanovas, they would look cool... I don't think so.. It is such a disgrace...There for i label them as cheap guys- guys who are thoroughly those which we could just dump into the rubbish bins and recycle them... At least they might be useful their contribution as 'environmental - friendly' products....

Grasshoppers...

their glossy green among the grenery...
munching up grass and reeds...
tips of blades gone... they still munched til the stalk that was jutting out from the earth...
slowly more joined in this fiesta, as it was no longer the time for siesta...
the wind swept the turfs off...
they spread their wings so fragile...
battered the weather, in a colony they flew...
like a cloak ...
across the sky they glide...
like an eclipse...
blinding the eyes of the sun...
a hurricane across the horizon...
the inertia gathered in them...
stiffen their wings, draining green from them...
brown debris coated them... look how they bleed... the colours blended...
no removal was possible...
they are no longer grasshoppers,
they are locusts!!!!
a disaster to the lush plains and plateaus...