Me = Matters...

What matters most is that I'm still intact...
I still feel
I still move
i still smell
I'm still inspired...
though not much...

Me, getting lost...
It doesn't matter anymore,
because I'm still me,
I still know me...
I still have my presence
I still continue being me...

Wherever it takes me,
I'll go and see where to it'll take me...
Where to i go, i'll still move as a whole...
There is always a place...
but i do not know where...
yet i'm leading myself towards it...
I do not know, but my legs do...

Where i lay,
I still blink my eyes,
the clouds still catch my eyes,
tears still wet my eyes of laughter and sorrow...

Therefore, it still matters...

Morning Freaks...

Went to the washroom to cleanup this morning... The day was bright with silvery streaks of morning sun... It was a peaceful morning... Yet, a shout from the ground floor wiped that scene out... I look down and saw a man with tattered jeans yelling and shouting at someone's front door... He sounded very angry... To be accurate, i noticed his mad and bewildered look... He was finding for his wife who, it seemed, did not want to see him... He banged on the door... I felt quite nervous as he wasn't supposed to be in the female's hostel... Thankfully, my warden came out to investigate the commotion and asked for the man's immediate departure... He was stubborn as he stay put at his spot and started to argue that his family affairs has nothing to do with the warden...

It was freaky watching two grown ups shouting negotiations with each other: one asking for the other's leaving, while the other asking for the permission to bang down the door of his wife...At first, i thought that maybe it was some normal argument between the husband and wife that prompted the man in search of his wife's in-house training residence... yet, things sounded a little scary as the man said: "My wife has a lot of money with her, yet she refused to see me...I'm very angry, she is my possession, i have the right to see her!" I felt pity for the wife, i'm sure she is scared to death as a tyrant husband came staking her out just for money... These sort of man should be sentenced to eternal life in the jail... Hey, seriously, she is his wife not a money making machine.. If the warden didn't put her foot firm on this matter, i'm sure there will be a bloody abuse case in the hostel itself.... He eventually left, frustrated and unsatisfied...

Women should really find a good husband with an upright conscience and a clear civilised mind, or they'll end up tied with the wicked person till death...(he doesn't necessary need to be very rich or loaded either)... Or better still, stay single if there are no more good ones out there...We, women can still live without the presence of men in our lives, especially if there are no more goody guys around... Abuse cases would be greatly reduced if women know how to pick their hubbies... Smokers, gamblers, gangsters, jobless and sexist men are a no-no... that is one of the ways to avoid the obvious trouble as the potentials of these males to exert abuse would be higher... About those who 'hide their true colours under the blanket' type, we could not say for sure, yet women should not hurry into a relationship too quickly, take time to observe or seek help from your friends to observe him during your absence, you might never know that he has some form of habits which will make you wish you have never met him... This is a lesson women must learn since the time puberty starts..

P/s: i'm not trying to instigate or having a sexist talk here, but women should really be aware of it for the sake of their own good and happiness in life...

Women could do so much better without these matters to worry about...Hmm, i wonder how's the wife current situation? She should get a divorce immediately... Saves her life from further misery...

Humans live only once in the same lifetime... Embrace and appreciate your life, do not let others spoil or shatter your life, because the only one who have the right to do it is yourself, our life is our own responsibility...They have no right to destroy it!

Sometimes it just didn't feel right...

Most of the time nowadays I feel tired... exhausted.... I don't know for what reason I'm tired of... It's kind of like taking the vacuum cleaner and aiming it at yourself with the switch on.... My breaths sucked out from me... It has been raining these few days, that could be the reason why i feel so withered...

Soemtimes when i look at the puffy massups of different coloured clouds, I feel the yearning to have them as my comfy...It was as if i could forget everything which worries me if i put my head on them... Those uneasiness turn into rain droplets rolling down from up there.... I'm a little crazy because I don't feel alright...at all....

Occasional breaks do take some tension off me but that trying tires me out... What am I to do? I am so so so tired... I feel numb in the head and soul...I couldn't feel my feelings... Where have they all gone?

A Choice...

'Never Judge a Book by its Cover' is true every time... We should always bear that in mind...Thank god i saw it earlier, or i'll fall once again...dangerously... Thus, the time to draw a line with a knot....

Choice of choosing...Everyone chooses in life every minute... even now i'm struggling whether to go to bed or not... A tug of war in the brain makes us need the sleep given... I'm still here blogging... I knew now of metaphoric animals... each symbolize a trait in human... human's animal trait... True that even some mystical creatures cannot be compared...

By the way, the high tea was superb... We ate till our hearts content...

The Past...

It is kind of weird chatting with someone who had grudges during the secondary school...Hmm, yea, i realised that actually we do want to find each and everyone who had stopped by in our life at certain point...It is kind of weird for this particular one... We had been ignoring each other since form five although we sat next to each other... Hmmm, maybe it wasn't grudges, it was just our egocentric selves at that time which persisted... Long term frozen relation, i couldn't categorize it actually, friendship? Nah, not that close, yet not that alien too...We did talk before that row...

Hmm, anyway, i'm glad that i found another of my classmates... No grudges, yea... I'm sure of that... We were so childish last time... That was a few years ago....

At some point of today, i did feel some changes in those who had shunned me before...I guess as everyone left school, the old grudges were gone... lost in time... I've even forgiven some...Only those who are not persistent in their grudges... The several stubborn ones still remain, and that i couldn't help it... That's their knot to untie... Some of these swollen headed ones insist on sticking to the past times..i'm just got to say, hey, wake up man... you guys are no longer in high school, and anyway you aren't that briliant..so stop putting an air about yourself... That is to someone whom i feel has too much air about her/his own self... grudges meant to be forgotten, and by the way, i didn remember having any grudges against you, just that you do not like the way i look that time that's all... your personality needs brushing up... and that is related to your career too...

The past is like a curse as well as like a blessing, it contains both elements making it a woven quilt of memories... It follows us till our souls are gone... Thus, take it as a memory, which, we can laugh at, cry at and squeal at... We are growing, give and take would be the best way to drive us forward... By the way, everyone is the same even when we are out in the society... The sneering look, that 'i'm mightier look' doesn't really affect my life...I choose to laugh at it...It's a joke to ever take on the high school attitude in the present...It won't work... It's an irony, these people are going to have the same social status as i do... So why bother?

There Is So Much...

There are so many things and matters to digest...I have turned a bit slothy after the 1 month break... I nearly missed class today because my alarm didn't go off... Thank god there was still time and my lecture class was near... KO things really add tension to me... not that i'm frustrated with the job, but i feel that i'm not doing matters well... It's a lot of responsibilities which i'm afraid that i could not manage well... But i'm trying hard...

I had quite a tiring week, I had officially slept for 11 hours last night... It wasn't on purpose... But i feel bad... That isn't a good habit of dozing off straight through the night...==!

Just came to know that people who originate from Terengganu are called Terengganu-rian... Haha, sounds weird but now i could correct the others who called us 'Terengganu people'... It is word saving though i'm not sure whether it is officially called so, but The Star newpapers is considered a reliable source right?

Someone's brother just died because of an accident..It sounded so scary...The poor kid did not have his helmet on when he was driving his motorbike, he hit a lamp post and fell into the drain, with the motorbike crashing onto him as it went into the drain too! His ribs were out, and according to what I've heard, he died on the spot... May god bless his soul... May he rest in peace after undergoing such a brutal accident...

New juniors were in, but i knew none of them... I'm simply cooped up in my room nowadays or hanging around with friends that i have known... Yea, i sound like an unfriendly senior... haha... I do realise that I'm more of the introvert side...

Powerpoints and assignments...There is an endless list of it... I'm quite worried about it... I do hope that i could get rid of that slothed -up attitude... This semester is even more important... That's the fact of the present...

I love the sky, it is painted daily with wonderous pale blue with swirls of other colours as airplanes pass, their lights shimmer like lively evening stars gliding over the horrizon... I love the evening sky here...

There's so much to say, yet words couldn't express it all... When all is expressed, nothing feels looked - forward to.... I want to look forward.... in life.....

Giving a shot at broadcasting??

I handed in my first assignment this sem at 9++ pm...It was a tiring task for me... Thought that my product is of a creative one, but much effort is needed to complete it... It was hard to direct what i am speaking in front of a handphone camera, while rushing through lines of explanation and theories... Just for one part of the recording, it took at least 20 something cuts before the video clip turn out to be just right...The time limit was a short span of 4 minutes... Then, another problem arose, the mp4 couldn't be detected in the moviemaker... Thank god Theva saved my life...I owe you so much..without your help and guidance, i won't have completed it on time... Thank Ah See also for lending me his laptop... Now i feel as if i'm really stepping into the shoes of an actor or an actress...they must have had thousands of retakes when they acted in a drama or a movie... I do respect their diligence and ability to cope with this form of stress... They looked natural... Mine was a very unnatural take...It was my first tiime recording myself, and i feel very weird editing my own video clip.. But, anyway everything ends well...Look forward to another session of it... I have 3 more to go....

The Paradoxical 'Voicing'...

At last I have something to scribble about out here though it is not a very good thing to share... Still,, i find it hard to resist writing about this..

Freedom of speech has its limits...Yet, some issues have to be addressed in order to clarify the truth and make things right before it is too late to change it... Voicing is to speak of the whole true truth... To progress forward, we need voices, voices to address issues about the roots of problems which has been rooted like a cancer in the tissue... Cancer patient would want an immediate removal of the fatal cells which are thriving in their bodies... Countries need appropriate voicing out so that they are able to progress rapidly in the development, a drive to keep them on track as the grassroots is constant in their woos to perfect the countries internal problems... That voicing is even more crucial in the education system, that is why the government keeps on reestablishing and revamping different education policies and modules to educate the younger generations... The implementers are trained, geared up and motivated to ensure all the plans are carried out well... Yet, there is a culture which spreads among the different ranks of implementers, they fought to get the best for themselves and sometimes with a little gratitude share for their allies... thus, it is a stampede of mankind, the survival of the fittest... leaving the weakest in the stone cold alleys, choking, with black charcoal stuffed into their mouths... which at the end of the food chain, gives no benefit to the ones who should be protected the most - the 'plants', which are green young shoots...

it is an irony, that a threat is given when the truth lays in front of the eyes... the ugliness of the truth sometimes is too much for people admit it... Thus, voicing out irritates them as others started to realise the existence of the ugliness... That is why thick make-up is still an evergreen cosmetic fashion for people of both genders... Those hand painted expressions just give me the chills of some paranormal existence...

Imagine getting injections or drawing blood out of our body... Many would avoid it if it takes their entire life without the nasty experience... If thought of that too, yet when i get injected, it felt just like a prick on the toe... A quick pain... at least, i tried to maintain my health while getting vaccination or a check on my current health status... To avoid it means a bigger trouble at the end of it... Voicing is just like the needle, you are pricked, but yet you'll have limitless comfortable night without anything bugging at the back of you mind...

Furthermore, we have to realise that 'voicing' and 'carrying tales' are very much different from one another... 'voicing' indicates that there is never a smoke without the fire... As for 'tales carrying', it indicates that there is a form of persistence in living in a world of denying hard facts and weaving lies... that is why some people become cuckoo as they live in their own world of fantasy...

This sort of phenomena is detrimental to the triggering of forward progress... Thus it is clear that 'Voicing' does not have paradoxical meanings in this context...