Monsoon Season

It keeps raining these few days. The cool and fresh smell of soil - a familiar one to me. It gives me a new breath, a new sense of life. From every bit of dirt there will be new life sprouting out. Mosses, greenery of all kinds... Earthworms digging happily in the wet fertile soil. In each tunnel they dig, there will be room for a new life...
New lives forming... New hopes, new dreams, new resolutions, new inspirations...

Changing...

This is the beginning of my year end holidays. A semester of school have ended abruptly. (it just seems quite fast for me). Christmas is coming soon. That will be the time when everyone arrive back home....Here... the state which nests in the east coast of peninsular for centuries...

Things change... My perspectives change... Everyone changes...Friends who study in colleges locally and overseas... Have all changed...

Maturity??? Are we becoming more matured in the sense of living our life???
Maybe, perhaps...

I find in each and every one's eyes.... The child in it is covering itself up with loads of complexities...hidden in the midst of a growing wall of adulthood...
Everyone returns to the starting point but with a different choice (much to the parents annoyance)

Freedom??
i prefer the confinement I once had, which i had now outgrown it...
We are like the caterpillars awaken by a spell of growth, to find ourselves fluttering our newly grown wings...still stained with the dampness of the morning breeze... Thus we fly... feeling the moment of excitement, happy to be away from the tree we had been living on... But still sometimes, perhaps at the back of our mind we still have some nostalgic feelings, the yearning to be a caterpillar once more?
But I'm not being a pessimist... Freedom feels wonderful... but confinement? I think I'm searching for the comfort zone I once had...The cocoon I once inhibit... now an empty casket, tumbling off the curled dried leaf... Where is the tree I once live in? I had to find another similar to it... I'm traveling ahead towards the hot noon, sweating away.... An invisible string tying me way back to my past - the sign of growth.

I admit though I am still myself, I have change...
Happy holidays everyone!!!

We were all wet through after going through the par course.By the way, those were our tents behind us.

This was the final checkpoint for our river crossing and rafting activity. The line is the boundary to prevent us from floating way down to the open sea at the far end whereby a small jetty which could be seen in this photo.

We were on the hill, half way through our jungle trekking activity. The view was really marvellous!

Sand castle building competition. This group won.

Posing with the sand lobster with Jee Ying.

Hoho, I'm back to continue my story...

Third day

We had river crossing and rafting activities. It was cool. We had our water confidence session first in the river. The water was salty as it was nearly at its end -The river mouth which invites the open sea water. During the river crossing activity we had to float down from the upper part of the river slowly in groups... going under the bridge till the final end were we were 'blocked' by the rope suspended by floating buoyant balls. There was the point where we had to swim to the bank. Fun it was, but the water was quite dirty. I had itchy rashes appearing on my hands after that one hour dip. Luckily it was nothing serious. A couple drops of moisturising lotion from my friend after the camp ended remove the itchiness from the back of my hands. Rafting was an even better thing. We had made it with our own bare hands the previous night. My group won the rafting event as we took the shortest time to reach our checkpoint. What a pity we can't snap any photos of it as we were drooping wet.... Our raft was strong enough to last the whole journey thought the current was strong at that time.... We had a long bath after those activities...lol...

Fourth day (Final day)

Nothing special though there were no exercises that morning (considered as a treat I assumed). All of us woke up late...but not too late...about 9am...Had breakfast and started to pack...while waiting for the bus there was an optional activity - fishing... which I did not participate...I feel that it is too cruel to cause pain towards other living thing while we had our pleasures... The fishes weren't dead at the end of the day as they were released as soon as they were caught..but still this fishing method cause pain to the fish... just imagine that your mouth was torn by a sharp hook...Then you were held helplessly and desperately gulping for water while the humans posing with you for a couple of photo snaps...Then just as you are passing out... you feel a sharp pull...your mouth is torn as those youngster were no experts in taking out the hook from the hole in your mouth... as you struggle to free yourself from the palms of the clumsy person...the wound deepens... Then you were thrashed overboard into the water... now you feel relieved,but you have to face your hungry friends who were trying to nibble at your wounds... See what i mean? so no fishing for me...

I'm standing in the sea water... my rejuvenation paradise!!!

The mangrove swamp at the seaside...

The view from this big chunk of rock is simply fascinating!!!

We were walking under the scorching sun...That's the rain coat we used to hide from the UV...

more photos will be uploaded next time....Bye for now....^^

Rejuvenation...(Sedili Camp)^^ 1

I am back!!! Four days of rejuvenation in Sedili camp swept away all my passimism... I simply love it!!! It's a pity i still can't manage to upload all my photos because of the poor wireless connection here... Will do so when the line is better...

Still, I'll give some insights into what I've experienced these few days...

First Day

We were given a task to complete the par course...(something like the National Service obstacle training)... For me, it's quite usual (just all those obstacle: crawling under the wire bulbs and muddy tunnels, climbing up the tree branch and down it, balancing on the ropes, etc...) the only difference is just that those mud aren't naturally formed... Half an hour before we start the the task, the facilitators used DIRTY DRAINAGE water (air longkang) to soften the mud along the trail,just imagine that...It was way smelly... I prefer natural mud which smells of moss and soil... But this...Euu... It's awful! Water that had been stagnant for countless days with lots of germs and some kind of nasty suspension... Just imagine, me, soaked in that slimy stuff...what an unpleasant feeling... I felt like living in the rubbish heap for months already... All those "tarzan" acts have to be done in the shortest time ever... What a pity my team took longer time than three other groups, still, i think we weren't the last ones.... Haha... after that we rushed to wash ourselves clean but the stinging smell still lingered around us... I had to abandon the shirt and pants on the fence... At night, we had a night walk session... Walking in pitch dark is no big deal, but the toughest part is we had to climb a hill, it's an up hill and down hill route, mind you... (overgrown with thick forest of course)... Holding on to a single rope to lead us to the clearings at the other side of the hill... Somewhere in the middle of the trail, the rope ended... We had to find another end of a different rope by either walking ten steps forward, or to the left or to the right... Our leader manage to find the rope...We continued our journey... we finish up this session by using half an hour's time... Someone in front of me tumbled down hill as they missed a footing or two... I sympathise with them,but was helpless when the incident happened...the one in front of me was actually pulled down by the one infront of her...together they tumbled down into the ditch... I heaved a sigh of relief as they weren't badly injured...(They slipped only a short distance down hill).....

Second day

This is the day whereby i enjoyed myself very much...^^ We had a jungle trekking session... Actually it is not a jungle trekking session, but a lalang trekking, as both sides are overgrown with lalang...The view was nice... Just think of the scene in Heidi...the scenery is just like it...

The trekking took about three hours if i'm not mistaken... we followed the trail amongst the tall lalang (weeds), passed through a small marsh area... Our shoes were damped by the soggy stuff...(luckily i brought two sport shoes)...Then, as we strolled towards a clearing, the view of the sea caught our eyes...We reached the beach at last!!!! It was a wonderful one.... the seaside consist of a combination of ivory white fine sand and smoothen pebbles of various colours...we spent an hour's time there (no wonder i got such a bad sunburn) waddling in the clear sea water, admiring the picturesque view...it was exhilarating to drink the fresh sea breeze sweeping pass my face... watching small fishes swimming near the shores....drowning in the laughter of my friends... It was simply fantastic...!!!! Then we had to walk back along the shores towards the main road before walking back to our camp site...The distance was 3 km from the main road... Walking under the hot sun was a challenge... Luckily my friend brought along her rain coat...we seek shelter under the rain coat (Rain coats can be useful too during the fine weather!!!) ... At least it saved me from further sunburns.... The during the evening we had mini sports at a different beach which was just a 5 minutes' walk from the campsite....We played dodge bal, sand castle building...and more... at night we had night patrols... I was to keep watch from 1 to 2 am... That night A few freinds and i were a grand feast for the uncountable blood sucking mosquitoes... I think i lost a pint of blood to those tiny insects....Lol....

......To be continued.... Haha.....^^

Excitement...

Feeling excited about going to Sedili camp tomorrow...

(pause)...

Still, why do i feel uneasy...

(pause)...

something isn't quite right with me these days...

hmmm, feel like weeping for a moment but yet hyperactive after the moment passes...
what am i writing actually???
I'm writing nonsense...

Saw some other blogs with lots of nice stuff to view, stuff which will tempt you to view it again...
I really can't continue my childish blog anymore. or can i?

I'm lost, speechless... why can't i think of anything now???
Why can't i do things the right way round...
I'm frustrated yet helpless...
where's my soul???
I've lost it i think...

I can't seem to concentrate...
Maybe i'll ignore my blog for a week or two...

having bloggie depression syndrome....T-T

A different topic...

I hate myself for not being able to control my own soul...
it's running wild...

studies... Oh my god....
I do not like my current behaviour...
It is gripping me tight around...
Refusing to release...
I want fresh air...
I want inspiration...
I wana cry right now... This instant...

Hoping for some light in my soul...

I've done my ES assignment in my laptop...TWo more to go...But holidays' ending (day after tomorrow)....

No time to Retreat, no time to charge my soul, Why do i feel an emptiness in my soul....

While i was browsing through my friends' blog and some other seniors'. I feel a pang of uneasiness and discomfort....They looked happy...I bet they enjoy their colloge life (or university life perhaps?)... Not to say i do not enjoy my college life but I feel that it is not the same as theirs...

I experience depression now and then....My emotions aren't very stable (not PMS of course, neither was it related to gender relationships)

I've realised that i'm lacking of the enthusiasm i had for my studies years before.... Why aren't there any inspiration lingering in my life now.... I had wanted it so badly now... Why do i plunge into a total darkness and emptiness when life should be at its peak this time.....? I need some light which can lift my soul from this misery.... I do not want to lose myself.... lhoping for a light.... a light for my soul....

P/S: God, please help me through this depression period of mine.....