The Inside Out

What is out there? laughter, struggles, crying happily with smiles on, bearing each and every day.
What is inside? barely make out, deep depression, troubled mind, thinking, remembering old times although they are all shitty~

Where am I at this point? typing words, typing emotions that I couldn't vocalize, like the whole orchestra of musicians, matching beats to rhythms~ bellowing their hearts out through vibrations after vibrations of air which we called music...

It has been two years or more~ I mended, I stitched, no blood, no stains, no pus, no pains...
Yet, I watched you as your next turns second in line of many more you will hurt. The cyclical process~ prey after prey~ mine was the mildest, as we were just a little innocent back then. You were, at least just a cub learning how to kill, though toying the first prey, barely left her alive limping away... It was a wretch, with scars and post-toying side effects. I know deep down I am not blaming, I am just reflecting on the scars and how they become as such... I am healed with visible scars...
The will becomes low, the spirit couldn't soar as swiftly as it could before. I missed the swiftness and agility... I missed everything that you have shattered. That was my peak... I was at my peak... but now I am learning to build another...and I hope I learn never to let another predator shatter it so easily. The effects are still here, while I watch your smile which still remains after you had done the destruction twice on different preys. I shiver as I still believe in the good that tickles somewhere in you. I shiver as I have seen the ruthlessness which is increasingly amplified. The tainted becomes contagious.I hope I would not see your downfall one day, as you are increasingly becoming a flicker as time passes. I say this with pure statements.  I hope not to see you fall. But, I could sense that in you, the predator, you are broken beyond mend-able measures, with porcelain caked with thick powders and a painted smile. to lure, to sate your momentary purpose. You are part of my perfect. And I could never be perfect again as a little part of me will always be there with you.

And will I mourn? nope... I am just having sudden seizures now and then... I knew I loved you and my heart was always true. That was what matters right? I hope I will be able to love again someone who won't treat me as a prey like how you did to me. My heart is tired, but it is ready.